That Time Molly Had a False Pregnancy

My mother likes her poodles. Every dog we ever had was a poodle or a poodle mix because of our allergies. My mom will talk about all the cute poodle mixes out there like a shitz-a-poo, Golden Poo (Golden Retriever/Poodle), Doxie-doodles, Cocker-poos, Labradoodles, and peke-a- poos. She likes her doodles and poos. She likes them mainly because of the poor luck we had with pure-bred (imbred) poodles. Every poodle we knew of had mental issues, including our toy poodle Buttercup Molly.

Molly was the craziest poodle around, but we loved her. One day, Molly started carrying my brother Jordan's baby toy around everywhere she went. She guarded it, made nests for it in blankets, carried it outside with her when she had to take a piss, and even rested it on her nipples to nurse it. She was crazy about this plastic, squeaky, baby toy.

We just figured that Molly really liked that toy, but then she started getting really vicious about it. She'd growl at us if we got too close to the toy. I swear her eyes turned blood red with anger every time we walked too close to her 'baby's' nest. Yep. Turns out that the crazy dog thought this plastic toy was actually her puppy. Some switch went off in her brain and she had a false pregnancy. Because of this her mother bear instincts kicked in full force.

We asked the vet what we should do, and he suggested that we put her on birth control pills to help even out her hormones. He figured it was just hormonal, and it would pass. Well, it didn't pass. The hormones didn't help. The only thing that helped was time. Eventually, her plastic puppy got old and it's head popped off, so we tossed it in the garbage. She had a few other 'puppies' over the years, but thankfully she didn't get as crazy as she did with her first 'born'.

So, my mom said that she had enough with purebred poodles and will stick to her doodles and poo mixes. I'll always picture my mom with her little hypoallergenic poodle mixes, and I'll always picture Molly with glowing red eyes, bared teeth and a little plastic, yellow, squeaky toy at her breast.