Love the one you're with

I'm missing Point Bob a lot lately. I miss letting Bob run loose without any leashes. We really didn't have to worry about traffic there, and everything felt safe and nestled. I'd still yell at him to stay close when he ran too far ahead, and worried that somehow a car would magically materialize on those cottage rows and run him down. I was so silly to worry like that. Am I being silly now when I put him on leash in Manitowoc? Probably.

I miss looking out my living room window hoping to catch a glimpse of a killer whale. I knew that the whales generally didn't breach in the sliver of the Georgia Strait that my window framed, but I was hopeful. I never did get to see a whale. They even eluded me when I went on that whale tour that had a 95% success rate and guarantees that you would see a damn whale. I did see some pretty cool sea lions though.

I miss the feel of that place. It's trite to say that things move at a different pace in certain places, but in Point Roberts it really did. It's weird because I didn't realize it when I was there. It just became the way things were. Your body gets used to different time zones, and maybe my mind just got used to the sleepiness of Point Roberts. It always felt like vacation there. The only problem was that it was a vacation with only Tristan and me.

It's so hard because it really was the perfect place, but it's like being in Heaven without your loved ones. It's not really heaven if there isn't anyone to share it with.

My greatest sin is not appreciating all that I have. I don't live in the moment. I have a tendency to look at my feet, which is something I learned after years of bullying in Marinette. I get so focused on my feet and getting from Point A to Point B that I don't look up and take in my surroundings. There was one day in Point Roberts when I'd trudged down the block to retrieve my mail. I got out the bills and cursed because Ben forgot to pay my student loan again. Then I looked up and saw the breathtaking view of the San Juan Islands over the horse pasture kitty corner to my mailbox. That really made an impact on me.

So, here I am reminiscing about Point Roberts when the whole time there I cried for home. Now that I am home, I'm missing Point Bob. My uncle John once pointed this flaw out to me when I was telling him how I really wasn't sure that I liked my boyfriend J anymore. He told me to love the one I'm with and started singing that Crosby, Stills, & Nash song "Love the one You're With"

and if you can't be with the one you love
it's alright
Go ahead and love the one, love the one, love the one your with

He was wrong about J. He really didn't deserve my love at all, but maybe this will work now. I need to stop reminiscing about what I had and live in the moment. Good things are coming now. Ben will work fewer hours, and we'll have more time to be family. We will find other places where time stands still, and we'll always have Point Roberts. God help us not romanticize about our time in Point Roberts. Times were hard there even though we were in paradise.